Sincere Forgiveness

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. – Catherine Ponder

I need a garbage bin to accommodate my idiosyncrasies and resentments which I decided to throw away few days ago. No more litanies of excuses this time. If I desire to make my life peaceful and happy, then I must learn to forgive sincerely. The process is evidently not easy as I perceived. Each day I combat with my pride and temper, so overpowering that I need to pray hard not to yield to this imminent peril. I realize that the more determined I become, my will is equally met with potent temptations.

I told myself many times that I’m a forgiving person. I thought I was because some of my good friends said so. I claimed humility as my virtue. I was so comfortable of my alleged forgiving character thinking that it was my edge against those who treat me as their enemy and those who refuse to see my good heart. I reasoned out that there would always be a time for redemption - a day of realization for my detractors. I was hoping for a day of realization but at the back of my mind, I was really yearning for a day of regret for those who mistreated me particularly those whom I have forgiven but continued to treat me unfairly, treacherously and unreasonably. For many years, this was my travesty of forgiveness and humility. I slowly gave up my trusting nature which I used to cultivate when I was younger and less vulnerable from emotional abuse. I armed myself a pretentious heart caught in the incongruity of goodness and deceit. It was easy for me to say, “I forgive you” even more easier in pretending that I forgot all about the pain and miseries dumped into my life. I laughed, hugged, cried and comforted my detractors but deep inside, my conscience dictated for more true and sincere forgiveness from my heart. Believe me, there was no hypocrisy when I shared my concern and emotions to those who have wronged me. My feelings were indeed genuine as they were rooted from my human sentiments, an offshoot of man’s compassionate nature. If so, what then is my problem?

The question merely evolves on my ability to give back my full trust and sincere affection to those whom I claimed I have forgiven. I gave my forgiveness easily, re-established good relations instantly but the fulfilment and satisfaction I experienced were however short-lived. From time to time, I found myself reassessing the once severed relationships equating my forgiveness with reciprocity and good faith. My forgiveness was conditional and qualified. It has no flexibility as it existed like a contract imposed with onerous terms and conditions. It worked only on circumstances when reciprocity and good faith were evenly shown to me. Absent of these conditions, I remained suspicious, untrue and sometimes vindictive. I saw my bleeding heart condoning each selfish, manipulative and exploitative act done against me conceiving beforehand that this incident is repetitive and so bound to happen again.

God is a healing God. He is perfect as he heals not only the sick but also those who hold a wounded heart. The turning point of my realization began when God instantly responded to my prayer – my prayer to save someone very dear to my heart from risks of illness. I was praying very hard this time not for myself or for my personal benefits or convenience but for somebody who is closely attached to my life. This was also the moment God slowly explained and manifested to me unconditional forgiveness. How? I asked his forgiveness for my hypocrisy and he right away answered my prayers. His message was so profound. His forgiveness was unconditional for me to enjoy ultimately the fulfilment of the decision I made – my decision to ask for His forgiveness!

The overwhelming lesson I learned recently, there can be no contentment if forgiveness is conditional because it is wanting of God’s intervention. When one forgives, his forgiveness must bear God’s unconditional love. There must be an unwavering promise to forget and heal the wound. Just think about the many times we have hurt God and still he remains forgiving and patient to our imperfections. So there is no reason not to forgive those who constantly hurt us. True forgiveness will bring so many unexpected blessings. It will allow you to experience tranquillity and God like humility. It is also a worthwhile discovery that realization will come unmonitored or unscripted, as it operates by itself in moving the hearts of those who wronged others. Sarah Paddsion quoted, “sincere forgiveness is not colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes. Don’t worry whether or not they understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.

It is so inspiring to hold and cherish Robert Muller’s insight on forgiveness. He said, “to forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.