My Tale of Love

Feeling in love is different from one who is actually in love. Feeling in love is merely a state or condition which does not necessarily mean love in true sense. Feeling in love is a creation of the mind, maneuvered by one’s thought or desire and exaggerated by emotions. It is oftentimes mistaken as true love because it comes too strong as it is usually propelled by emotion, passion, sentiment and great expectations. If you are hooked with this feeling, recovery from heartbreak is slow and sometimes remote. Feeling in love could inspire you to build a castle woven with magical background and details of a fairy tale like love story with happy ending. What happens when reality strikes back? Can you (the creator of this magical love story) be like a professional actor or actress who leaves the set after the show, unaffected by the role he or she portrayed? I have witnessed reasonable number of persons who by choice remained to hold on to the feeling, acting as protagonists as they struggle to survive the pain brought by love struck and heartaches.

If only we can learn to accept love as a reality and not as a mere state of feeling, maybe the survival rate of love relationships would be higher. God is always the acme of our life and the true cause of happiness. They claim the love shown to us by God is not the same as to the kind of love we want to extract from our so-called “romantic” or “passionate” relationships. Is it really accurate to argue the difference of love for God and love for your partner? If love is sourced out from God, then it is the same love that you share and give to others including to your partner. Being actually in love means accepting the responsibility of commitment and sharing of each other’s life. It is not an acceptance of only those you like or you desire but it is accompanied with the duty to adopt the risks and consequential effects of the relationship. Take for example, if you pray to God for something you desire to have, your prayer is always answered by him but not exactly in the same manner you want it to be. You may never know or discover unless you listen to your heart that God has already answered your prayer only in a different way. Comparing this with your relationship to your partner, you tend to appreciate acts or conduct of your partner which are apt to your expectation. Noble acts done for the sake of love and respect that are not programmed by your expectations often times end up unnoticed and unappreciated.

Love is a reality so with the happiness or joy that it brings. If relationships fail to survive the test of endurance, reality will save you from the perils of heartbreak and depression. If romantic love ceases, reality will guide you to the truth that there is still enormous love within you…. Love for yourself, your friends, your family and most of all, love of God and love for God. Now I ask you, do you think it worthy to abandon these ordinary yet lasting forms of love in favor of your failed, ended or lost love affair? You see, if there is still love overflowing within you, the reality is - you can love all over again !

To Titivate Friendship

Friends are hard to find. But when you discover them, they should be treated like jewelry. They need constant polishing so that their presence would shine. You have to securely keep them as their value is like treasure. Checking on them from time to time is highly encouraged to see if they are properly taken cared of. Just like jewelry, they are in need of regular cleaning, soaking or pampering! Like jewelry, a friend may want a shoulder to cry on, a tight hug, a listener, sometimes a punching bag, an audience or just a mere company. It is even more bewildering to think why friends still hang together after a terrible disagreement or exhausting argument. Friendship is never measured by the number of happy moments together. Rather, it is calculated on the ability to survive trials and soar from the attempts to crash friendship. Hence, friends survive each others’ hang-ups and idiosyncrasies. In true friendship, acceptance of faults, shortcomings or individual indifference is never difficult. Friends can stay all day or night doing nothing without getting bored with each other. It’s funny as friends develop almost the same kind of sense of humor. They share some sort of meeting of the minds, no wonder it is possible for friends to burst to laughter for reasons only they can understand. They can also develop techniques or skills to communicate through eye contacts and body gestures. Acceptance or approval can also be made tacitly with fewer propensities for mistakes or misinterpretation. It’s quite exhilarating to enumerate the foolish things most people would do for the sake of friendship.

I know friendship may be thorny at times but being prickled by true friendship makes the relationship more enhanced and significant. I remember my friend saying she would trade me for a LV designer bag but I exactly know she meant the opposite. Unlike jewelry, true friendship is priceless. No amount can quantify the joy and happiness that can be instilled by friendship in relationships.

Oh I wish I can say more and make friendship more appealing to everyone. The more I endeavor to dress it up, the more I am short of description. Friendship is not all elation but it is certainly fulfilling. Cheers to all my friends who share my sentiments about friendship. For those who disagree, worry not, because I would still love you anyway. No matter how I titivate friendship, there is one ultimate truth I cannot ignore ….. A stray friend will usually find his way back to his true friends.

FOR THE SAKE OF JUSTICE

Few weeks ago a client angrily approached me and asked how much did I receive as consideration for the SELECTIVE dismissal of the case in favor of some prominent accused. He added, “justice in the Philippines is when one gets favorable judgment for a fee.” I was irked by the accusation. My blood pressure went up. All of a sudden I can only see his angry face. My body became numb and ears were totally deaf. I only calmed down when I started thinking about my one and only daughter. When I went back to my senses, I started hearing the qualms of this client. Irritating at first but touching when I saw teardrops fell on his eyes. His saga is a common one… a solemn quest for justice, Filipino style!

This client fought for the filing of a criminal complaint against these prominent accused whom he blamed as among those responsible for the tragic death of his fourteen (14) year old son. The battle was initiated more than four (4) years ago. Unfortunately, the intricacies of legal procedure delayed the filing of the information in court. The recommendations and findings during the preliminary investigation of my office have to be validated and reviewed by a government entity charged with the jurisdiction and authority on the subject case before it could finally be filed in the regular court. My client painstakingly waited for the resolution to be released. He rigorously sought assistance from different government agencies requesting for the expeditious conduct of the investigation.Finally, the resolution went out and information was filed against the accused in court. Few months later, the case was dismissed in court for alleged lack of probable cause. It came out as a surprise not only to this client but also to the prosecution arm. The dismissal was an exercise of unusual power of the court not normally resorted to unless founded by evident or patent grounds for dismissal.

My client became hysterical and vindictive. I know him quite well because in the past, his desperation led him even to the point of casting unwarranted complaints against me attributing, suggesting and implicating me for the said delay. His accusations roused me to anger before. Hatred ruled my dealings with this particular client. I convinced myself that the animosity I was getting from this client was exactly opposite to the dedication I relentlessly invested for his cause.

However, my experience in lawyering taught me one good character required in a prosecutorial duty. Patience, Patience and Patience……. I said it thrice because mere patience is insufficient. For non-lawyers, a simple problem can be remedied by common sense but for lawyers, common sense is all catching and it comes into different forms either as a cause or defense. For non-lawyers, short cut rule is encouraged. However, for lawyers a legal right or wrong is redressed only upon observance of the proper legal procedure.

Explaining to a client the necessity of legal procedures including its technicalities and implications is like watching a Korean telenovela show without an English or Pilipino translation. This was my difficult task. Several attempts were made to make this client understand. At first, he made me believe he understood my point. I was happy then. Surprisingly, few days later, he came back and bombarded me again with similar questions or issues which I thought already properly explained. This client placed me on a rollercoaster ride many times. These were rides I managed to survive because of my patience.

Now, a rapport has been established between us. Patience taught me to earn his trust and respect. Patience also taught this client to trust and understand. Now, he can understand my explanations even if the legal issues involved are so complex. He may not exactly grasp the legal concepts conveyed but he understands that any legal action taken involving the case is for the best interest of his cause. On my part, I learned to understand and accept his sentiments no matter how emotional or frantic he becomes. I patiently developed the ability to listen and feel as these are my effective tools for communication.

My greatest challenge now is to answer three (3) of his crucial questions which I terribly fear to answer. For lawyers with a heart and those who possess a mind and heart of a lawyer, how do you weigh justice? Is justice for sale in some courts? Can candor or impartiality be exercised if the case has already been prejudged?

I fear the repercussion of my answers because as officer of the court, I have no authority to impose my opinion. A legal battle is fought in court under hard fast rules and not in a talk show where you can dispense all your sentiments point to point in order to win the approval of the audience. Questions of this nature tend to compromise my moral obligation to protect and preserve the credibility of the court. It is my duty to encourage people to trust the court and not to mistrust.

I see the symbol of justice being represented by a blindfolded woman carrying a well balanced scale. She is blindfolded so that she would see the merits based on evidences presented and not for reasons of prejudices or undue favors. The scale is well balanced because judgment is rendered only after observance of due process. One thing I’m certainly sure to answer - this is the form of justice implored by my client.

QUOTES ON FRIENDSHIP

The following quotes were sent in by Carly

"Your best friends are going to hurt you every once in a while, you must forgive them for that."

"Forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness."

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are."
-Sent in by Lindsay Russo-

Consider the pain you feel every time a misunderstanding ensues between you and your best friend. The more you feel the hurt, you will realize how important your friend is. Friendship is not all about perfections. Friendship is in fact a union of imperfections joined together to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

True friendship demands understanding, endurance and acceptance. You don’t stick together just because you are of the same feathers. You bond because albeit the difference, you come to accept each other unconditionally.

Friendship evolves…. As we grow old, our understanding of friendship is also strengthened by wisdom and experience.

Maybe what a friend can do most is to allow friendship to grow. In touching lives, a friend does not impose. He comes like a gentle wind so refreshing and calm. He brings enormous colors and forms but remain subtle and lucid.

True friendship requires no exact definition. It’s not an act of separating good eggs from bad eggs. Imagine uniting these good and bad eggs altogether and discover that they can score a soaring difference.

MY TENETS IN TEACHING

Teaching is my source of wisdom.

It is a skill which I did not master overnight.

Discipline, Diligence and Dedication were my investments.

Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Affection were among my priceless rewards.

I touched and left a mark in the hearts of my students in my own simple ways.

This experience also created significant implications in my very own life.

Pleasing all of my students is indeed a difficult goal.

In this kind of undertaking, transparency of one’s sincerity is not sufficient.

Most students find good motives not easily understood.

Winning their approval is not a feasible aspiration.

Learning entails a difficult process as in difficulty learning is more enhanced.

But only few of us can sustain complexities.

The inclination of students to stay away from intricacies is a reality.

If learning becomes difficult, the instrument of learning is also too complicated to appreciate.

Thus in teaching, endurance is my effective shield.

Dedication is the acme of my moral support.

For almost fifteen years, I clung to this profession and survived its trials.

Well, did I achieve anything?

This question unfolds many possible answers;

Answers that are either clear or ambiguous!

For now, I don’t really mind whether my students appreciate my efforts or not.

After all, realization comes in its tail.

I’m astonished looking at my former students who are now professionals and successful.

Being overwhelmed of their endless and sincere words of appreciation;

These are things more than what I expected to receive.

Again I say, teaching is not just a skill but it is more of DEDICATION!

A PRODIGAL FRIEND

The parable of the Prodigal Son is my source of enlightenment. I have read this parable many times in the past. It did not register in my mind until lately when I found its implication worth remembering.

For many years, I neglected a friend but despite the lack of reciprocity on my part, this friend continued to shower me unconditional love and attention. A recent experience unfolded a far-reaching revelation. I was awakened from a deep sleep. My bent blindness was removed and more importantly, the experience allowed me to see immensely a HEART in a friend whom I have known for more than twenty five (25) years.

Let me start with an assessment of my character. I perceive myself surrounded with multitude of friends. My life evolves on my friends and I guess this view will continue until the day I die. My friends are not my collection. They came to me just like destiny. I have no standards in choosing friends. Luckily, I can mingle and go out with diverse types of personalities. I find this character an asset and I relentlessly thank God of my gift of patience and understanding. I find no difficulty in accepting a person for what he or she is. I survived several clashes and invasions of temperaments in the past, reinforcing my confidence in the quality of friendship which I am capable to establish.

My network is so vast and dynamic. I acted like a conduit. My friends eventually became friends widening or expanding our circle. Some became very good friends too while others remained as acquaintances. Of course, you cannot impose friendship. This is a cardinal rule. I tried to disprove this rule but I failed. There were some friends I tried to bridge however notwithstanding the effort they ended neither as friends nor acquaintances. When asked, they would simply say that no bond exists. Amusingly, there were also incidents that enemies have to cross each other’s path because of me. I actually acquired the skills of mediation and arbitration because of these climatic episodes.

Though I already learned many lessons about friendship, my leaning to the belief that I’m a connoisseur of friendship shatters those lessons I learned. Oftentimes this disorder exposes me in looming emotional distress. The turning point of this realization came when a friendship which I embedded for about three years faltered. My trusting nature is now something I mistrust. It was really my fault for having invested too much emotion on a friendship knowing that it is supposedly uncompromising. My tendency to expect for reciprocity breaks the general rule of true friendship. I am fully aware that to quantify friendship is a taboo. But how do you expect me to behave if I feel aggrieved, prejudiced and betrayed. How can I control myself if caught in the web of anxiety and distrust? The situation induces me to choose an entirely different gauge for friendship. I hate deception and hypocrisy and so I speak of the realistic point of view of friendship.

Oftentimes, people prefer to search for more rather than to enhance those that already exist. A friendship for twenty years is something I can sing with my own praises. On the other hand, it is now the source of my guilt or regret. I listed litany of complaints against my so-called “good friends” who wronged me, but I never had the chance to question myself for neglecting a friend who unobtrusively stood by me all these years. This friend showered me with attention, care and even material things yet no reciprocity was demanded. I took for granted our friendship simply because it was unconditional and unqualified. I was never scared to lose this friend. Why? Our friendship is beyond physical presence. We’ve been away from each other for months or even years, but we still ended up being together most of the time. Just like sisters, we are unaffected by our imperfections. We developed some sort of immunity from our unpleasant traits. Treating her as one of my siblings warded off any opportunity for me to grasp her importance as a FRIEND. We call each other best friends for many years. It was quite easy for me to articulate said introduction.

But today is different! Not only that I value any introduction I make with regards to this friend, I sincerely stand with pride being beside her. I cherish every moment I am with her., I appreciate everything she did for me and my immediate family. I know she loves me and for this, she also learned to love those whom I love.

Shrouded by exhaustion, I decided to stop searching; A time to finally surrender my self-importance. I now thank those friends who mistreated me. It was through these painful experiences I realized what I have failed to cultivate these past years… a relationship that is worth preserving. With full of sentiments, I salute my BEST FRIEND FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS. I renew my friendship this time with maturity and commitment. I will grow old with you, I will respect your person and I will love you unconditionally and always for what you are!

In the end, a prodigal friend like me when reformed can still be a true friend.

Predicament of Parenting A Pre-teen in the 21st Century
(In a Mother’s Perspective)


In the past, my role was only to listen to the satirical complaints of my friends regarding their growing up children. I was exposed to vibrant, humorous or poignant experiences on parenting which I considered exciting and multihued to collate. I was contented to hear their stories. On my part, I have little to share because my daughter gave me only few headaches then, not worthy to cause my blood pressure to rise.

I only have one daughter now aged twelve. When she was younger, she was identified more with the physical features of her dad. However, as she grows up, it is noticeable that her distinctive physical features are emerging not typical either from me or her father. In animal breeding, she will be recognized as “cross-breed” or product of amalgamation.

She has a beauty of her own which I believe is appreciated in accordance with how beauty is defined by a person. It is not wise for me to assert that my daughter is beautiful because to do so will invite accusation of partiality. Remember, a mother, almost in all angles oftentimes sees her son or daughter beautiful. The inclination to praise, admire and brag your children sprouts from the overflowing love and affection accompanied with pride and joy. I observed that this tendency becomes a defect when the discourse is focused to a topic diverse from parenting or motherhood but the mother infuses unexpectedly or inappropriately the topic of her parenting or motherhood in the conversation. It is not a conscious effort to provoke rather it is one unconsciously ignited by instincts. The problem is, not everybody understands the instinct. A listener may develop disinterest in the topic and eventually create irritation or resistance. Not everybody is gifted with the power of understanding. However when it comes motherhood, it is claimed that the experience is more or less common and universal. A mother tends to forget the appropriateness of the topic when there is open possibility to discuss parenting or her children. Vulnerability to this situation is likely because mothers are usually proud of their children, including their success and achievements. I have my own personal experiences on this. Many times, I heard complaints from my comrades expressing dislike to some of our common friends because the latter accordingly did nothing but to brag about their children in exaggerated manners though not warranted by the occasions or circumstances. I did not develop the same feeling maybe because I have already cultivated deep understanding to circumstances of this nature. My belief was the more talk, the more opportunity to listen and the more opportunity to listen means the better chances of learning. I supposed that since I was good in listening, my notes in parenting are adequate guidance in my own parenting. But I was disproved.

When my daughter started wearing trendy, sexy, daring and lady like clothes including ornamental accessories, though surprised, I was never alarmed. I reasoned out this child is growing under my shadow adopting exactly my obsession to stylish, daring and colorful clothes including flamboyant or glaring accessories. But when my husband began complaining about the time she consumed in dressing up, I also became observant. At one time, I went inside the room and saw several clothes scattered in her bed. When she saw me, she asked if she looks good in the said dress she was wearing. When I said, “yes”, I thought it was all over and we can now leave the house. I was dazed because she instead shifted from one dress to another until she finally settled to the last one but only after noticing her dad’s display of annoyance. It was like a fashion show viewed as audience by me and two of our house-helpers.

Then her text messages grew by volumes. When asked about this incidence, she educated me about this “GM” thing which she referred to as group messages. When I examined her messages, I found nothing to fear as the numbers belonged to the same network where texts and calls were offered for free. Since her room is annexed to our room, many times I was disturbed by the noise of her cellular phones indicating incoming messages. I wouldn’t know if she’s still awake because it is not my habit to disturb her when is studying or asleep. Then, there were phone calls from male classmates and friends. My husband did not mind at all. The phone calls, he said came from little boys. He merely gave me a shrug or a bullish smile which I interpreted as signs of “out of danger”. Then, one day, my daughter instructed me to prepare food as she invited her friends to come to the house. I was excited. I wanted to see her friends and assessed them thereafter. Why assess? Well, I was hoping to find out their characters. The saying, ‘”Birds of the same feather, flock together” seemed to interest me then. On the other hand, I also believed in the saying that “Those who flock get the same feather”. Whichever is applicable, one thing I’m sure of, I was determined to know her friends. Anything about my daughter matters to me.

Then finally her friends came to our house, two girls and three little boys. To sum up, there were six of them in the house including my daughter. They danced, sang and played games in the computer while I stayed impatiently in my room and peeped from time to time to get in touch of the things they were doing. When I went out to prepare lunch, I saw all of them converged in my daughter’s bed seriously engaged in a conversation. I heard them revealing their crushes and talking about their class or school mates who already have boyfriends or girlfriends. This time I felt awkward with what I heard. I said to myself, are these topics being normally discussed by preteens at this generation? The conversation I overheard appeared to like a conversation of matured individuals.

I convinced myself, I should not worry. I surreptitiously tracked down my daughter’s class standing and I ended up like guilty mother when she remained in the list of outstanding students in her class. I felt embarrassed with myself. My daughter spilled no malice in everything that she disclosed to me and dad. She would almost tell us everything what she did in school. She would also enumerate her class or schools mates with steady partners. She told us that she has a number of secret admirers whom she cannot identify or confirm. Sometimes she would ask me if when I was of her age, did have any suitors or boyfriend? I decided to be honest and I told her I have crushes but no boyfriend yet until I was 14. I explained to her that when I was 14, I managed to accept a suitor because of the apples which he gave me. I never understood then that saying ‘yes” meant that he would become officially my boyfriend. I told her it was mere play relationship and no emotional attachments. My daughter is intelligent and she readily understood what I meant.

Then, lately, she has been asking me regularly if she looks ugly. The frequency of this inquiry is increasing so my task is to identify and source out the root cause of this query. My daughter has the tendency to compare my experience with her. She would wonder why she has no suitors yet. I regretted having told her about my experiences. I also began looking at the possibility of peer pressure. She is too young to get involved so much on infatuation.
All of a sudden, she sought my advice. I was excited at first but when she disclosed to me that she revealed to a boy that he was her crush, my reaction was impulsive. I instantly told her that her conduct was uncalled for and that she appears to me and to the mother of the boy as a “flirt”. I told her that admiration or crush must be kept or concealed. It is customary that the boy runs after the girl and not the other way around. The poor girl was devastated with my reaction. She cried and sent messages to her friends telling them that she is flirt for declaring openly her crush. This created a complication because most of her friends also reacted saying that she meant to label all of them as flirt as well because they also revealed their crushes publicly. I actually created a mess which contributed to the pain and embarrassment which my daughter felt at that time. Wanting to remedy her mistake and to suit with my expectations, she requested me to read her draft text message which she intended to send to her crush. The message states that “there was no truth on what she said… and that she was only compelled to yield to the demands of her friends who dared her to say it and finally it was purely for fun sake.” When I read it, my heart was crushed. My daughter was trying to cure the mess that I created. I’m supposed to deal cautiously with a fragile 12 year old girl, guide her of what to do and help her cope up with adolescence. But regrettably, my reaction taught her instead malice and spite. Now, it is my turn to remedy her problem. I embraced her and told simply, you need not send that message darling. You were just playing, a thing which little boys and girls do. Crush is just an admiration and nothing more. She finally became composed when she heard it, and then she kissed me good night, went to her room and slept soundly. I guess the instincts of a mother worked on me at that very moment. I succeeded to comfort the child and to appease her pain and anxiety.

I regretted my immature way of confronting the issue. I also lamented my inability to focus and understand the dilemma of adolescence. I almost wrecked my daughter. I nearly drove her away from me. If it were not of her exceptional ability to discern my reaction, it could have created a gap which would detach us from each other. My introspection told me that it was then my daughter who taught me to find out my mistakes. It was her who guided me how to properly treat a preteen with trust and confidence. While engrossed in watching every details of my daughter’s transformation, I invited malice to work in my mind. I yielded to the belief that Infatuation in this early age provides nothing except false notions and illusions of love. Emotions that are so overpowering are oftentimes dangerous and deceptive. If not properly guided, a preteen might be directed on the wrong way. I heard so many tales of teenage pregnancy and this greatest fear occurred recently in the family when my niece who at the age of seventeen became a mother.

At this moment, I am certain that to become a good mother is not an overhauling of one’s personality which can be done overnight. It can be learned regardless of one’s station in life. Academic or professional training is not even a passport for perfect parenting. There is no such thing. Reading several books in parenting or even attending seminars on this character, in the absence of will or commitment, no significant impact would still be established. Parenting is a continuing process. It requires endurance, openness, sincerity and most of all guidance from the divine providence.